Topic: you, only better
Darlings, what's with the silent treatment? You never write, you never call. Oh wait, that's me. Ok, my bad.
You are doubtless aware of Miss O's high standards of grooming, for myself and those around me. Grooming should be a basic human habit, and yet...you would be surprised how many unwashed cretins* are walking among us.
Grooming is a matter of hygiene and a matter of respect for yourself, your partner and those with whom you will come into close contact.
Not all grooming can be accomplished by oneself. I, for instance, cannot give myself a proper manicure, especially with a darker polish like Bordeaux. I'm sure it is difficult to fathom, but Miss O is not (yet) ambidextrous. And it is a rare few who can execute an even self-waxing or a back-of-the-neck shave. It is in those other instances that Miss O is available to lend a hand to friends in need.
Imagine you are playing an organ prelude and notice in the mirror that you have an errant eyebrow or ill-placed gray hair marring an otherwise debonair appearance. Say the word and I will be there, tweezers at the ready, and the villain will be disposed of with discretion - your hands never have to leave the keyboard.
Imagine you have a last minute romantic rendezvous. No time to rush home for a shower and change of clothes. Lucky for you Miss O is always strategically located, no matter the city, no matter the continent. Of course you can use my shower, my products, I will even aid and abet in a bikini wax and give you a fresh pair of undies. Why? Because Miss O understands that being well-groomed lends a feeling of confidence.
From the archives: Once upon a time, a galpal of Miss O's was on the road to a night of passion with another friend of O. The moment was right, good mojo was in the air, when the girl in question realized that she had not shaved her underarms. Miss O did not have her ruler available to give you the exact length of the aforementioned offending follicle, but it was enough for the girl to be uncomfortable at the prospect of a clothing-optional scenario.
Tangent: I have stated before and stand by my theory that most men are so happy to get near a woman in her unmentionables that they might not notice/mind a five o'clock shadow under the arm. On the chin is another story. My research has revealed that, in fact, many men like a woman au naturel. Listen, it takes a village. I doubt that a millimeter of hair somewhere would be a dealbreaker. However when body hair becomes braid-able then, Houston we have a problem. (Except for chest hair, and then the more the merrier.)
The otherwise confident, attractive girl did not feel on her game and posthaste we made our way to the ladies room where we solicited help from our fellow females. Did anyone have a razor? I can't recall if someone pulled the necessary tool out of their handbag or if we made a run to the all-night drugstore, but a few swipes of the blade and the lass was good to go.
Recently a male friend asked, “Since when are people shaving their xxxxs, their xxxxs, their xxxxxx xxxx?!”
“People or men?” I replied. This friend has been in a long-term relationship so he has not recently had contact with many other xxxxxxs.” I believe there is a trend, at least in the gay community, to shave the xxxxs and xxxxs. But really the choice is a personal one as long as you are clean and groomed. It's your body after all.”
He nodded, relieved. Miss O is always glad to be a resource to those with beauty and grooming concerns.
Do I feel better after I have a manicure? Hell yes. Is it because of vanity? Not really. Even in the dead of winter buried in socks and boots, I get pedicures for the health of my feet, but also because it makes me feel put together. Are you taking care of yourself, your natural beauty, your assets? I understand that during the dreary winter months one might be tempted to let oneself go to pot. Don't do it! You owe yourself a few minutes a day to tend to your skin, to treat yourself well, moisturize, maintain, put on some lip balm (you too, boys). This body is going to be with you for a long time. Take care of it.
A last anecdote...
Imagine you have a bladder problem. More of a bladder control problem. Ok, you often pee your pants. You are at a party, sitting on a couch being chatted up by a fellow at very close range. How close? He is sitting on your skirt, effectively pinning you to the couch and him. You are enjoying the attention, laughing at his jokes when...your worst nightmare is realized. You look at Miss O, panic stricken. In a flash, I will walk with determination to the bar, charmingly cut in front of others waiting for their beverages, and acquire two supersized cocktails. Upon returning to the scene of the crime, Miss O will then “stunt trip” in order to splash both cocktails over you and destroy the evidence. This account is purely fictional, any resemblance to actual events is coincidental, but this is what I might do.
Miss O. I've got your back.
*in honor of Mommy Isa.